


Attack of the Giant Mutant Spider

by roe87



Series: Canon Shenanigans [5]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bickering, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, Kind Steve Rogers, M/M, Married Life, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Slice of Life, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 14:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21120500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/pseuds/roe87
Summary: Who is the designated spider catcher in Steve and Bucky's relationship?Usually it's Bucky, but then a particularly big spider appears and Steve has to step up.





	Attack of the Giant Mutant Spider

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trucizna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trucizna/gifts).

> For Trucizna, who asked for a rescue. 😄
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> ~~~

Steve was about to step into the shower when he spotted the biggest black spider he'd ever seen.

He jerked back in alarm and decided to call for backup.

Opening the bathroom door, he called, "Bucky!"

He waited, but no answer. 

"Bucky!" Steve tried again.

The spider started to move, and Steve didn't want to hang about.

"Dammit," he muttered, grabbing his bathrobe. He hurriedly put it on and exited the bathroom. "Bucky?" He searched through the apartment. "Bucky?"

Steve found his partner in the kitchen, chopping veg at the counter and wearing his noise cancelling headphones and speaking some foreign phrases under his breath.

Steve cleared his throat, but as Bucky didn't hear him Steve had to resort to more drastic measures. He picked up a tea towel and tossed it over there, gently landing on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky turned around, pulled down the headphones when he saw Steve. "What?"

"I need your assistance," Steve informed him, hands on hips. "No, not like that," he added, seeing the sly smile on Bucky's face. "There's a spider in there."

Bucky rolled his eyes fondly. "Alright. Let me get the spider cup." He set down his knife and headphones, and retrieved the plastic tumbler that he kept for collecting spiders. He also grabbed an unopened letter. "Lead the way." 

They went back to the bathroom, but when Bucky looked in the shower he didn't find anything. 

"What? It was just there," Steve insisted, peering over Bucky's shoulder.

"Well, it ain't there now," Bucky declared, and started to leave.

Steve didn't feel like showering alone. "Why don't you join me?" he asked, hoping Bucky would say yes.

"Because I'm making lunch," Bucky replied, and left. 

Steve pulled a face, and tip toed back to the shower.

Still empty of any spiders.

Well, he hoped it'd stay that way.

"How was your shower?" Bucky asked when Steve returned washed and dressed.

"Tense," Steve said. "I was waiting for that spider to reappear any moment."

Bucky chortled, and plated up their lunch: chorizo salad with diced potatoes. 

"Thanks," Steve said, taking his plate. He patted Bucky's ass before walking away, making Bucky grin.

"Such a good wife," Steve praised, sitting down to eat.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him as he sat down with his plate. "I don't think the wife is the one who evicts spiders."

"Gay marriage is different," Steve said, mouth full of food. God, Bucky was a good cook.

Bucky laughed. "I see. So are you gonna do something nice for me later? Hm?"

"Sure," Steve agreed. "What do you want?"

"Will you watch Mister Selfridge with me?" 

Steve suppressed a groan. He had no idea why Bucky was so obsessed with period dramas lately. 

"Alright," he said. Because he was a good wife too. 

Bucky smiled, pleased. "Thank you."

After lunch they did the dishes together, bumping hips and bickering over how to stack the plates like any other day off.

Steve made coffee while Bucky went into the lounge and closed the blinds. He liked watching TV in a dark room.

They sat down on the couch, Steve setting their coffees down on the table before he leaned back and lifted his arm in invitation. 

Bucky smiled at him. "Lemme just get the lamp." He turned away to the side table, then reared back in alarm.

"What," Steve started, as Bucky did a back roll over his lap and landed on the floor.

"What the fuck!" Bucky got to his feet and pointed accusingly at the lamp.

Steve got up too, circling the couch to cautiously peer at the side table.

Sure enough, there sat the big black spider, like it wanted to watch TV with them.

"Now do you believe me?" Steve deadpanned, looking to Bucky.

"It's huge!" Bucky said, eyes wide. 

"Yes." Steve smirked. "I'm aware. Are you gonna get the cup?"

Bucky looked at him like he was mad. "It won't fit in the cup, Steve!"

"Tupperware then?" Steve suggested. 

"Nope," Bucky said decisively. He turned on his heel and marched out the room.

When Steve heard rummaging from the bedroom along with some telltale clicks of metal, he followed Bucky in there.

"You can't shoot it, Buck." He stood in the doorway, watching Bucky set up his rifle.

"Watch me," Bucky said, clicking the last bit into place. "That sucker stepped into the wrong house."

"You'll wreck the table, or the lamp," Steve tried.

"Collateral damage," Bucky answered, holding the rifle up.

Steve sighed. "Alright. Well you can clear up any mess you make."

They stalked back into the lounge, Bucky going first and Steve behind him. 

Except, when they rounded the couch, Bucky training his rifle at the side table, the spider was nowhere to be seen.

"Shit," Bucky said, and began sweeping the room with his rifle.

"That thing knows," Steve said seriously. "Maybe you should put down the rifle?"

"No," Bucky replied, and stalked off around the couch, rifle trained. 

"Maybe if I draw the blinds?" Steve wondered aloud. "They like the light."

Bucky muttered something under his breath, still sweeping the room. 

Steve opened up the blinds, flooding the room with light. He looked around on the walls, floor and ceiling, but that spider had vanished.

"Maybe it's under the couch?" he said.

Bucky turned and got ready, pointing his rifle. He nodded at Steve.

"Okay, just mind the floor," Steve told him. "We don't want to lose our deposit. Again." 

He padded quietly to one end of the couch, taking hold of the armrest. He nodded to Bucky, and whispered, "On three. One, two... three!" He lifted the couch, not expecting anything to be there.

When a black shape shot out across the floor, Steve shouted in alarm and dropped the couch, almost on his foot. Bucky shouted too, and fired off a shot.

The couch got hit, while the spider escaped unharmed.

"Fuck," Bucky complained, as Steve bit his lip.

"Er, sorry. I panicked."

"Steve, this is pathetic," Bucky told him. "We're two highly trained soldiers. That spider is making us look bad."

"What about a humane trap?" Steve suggested. "Then we don't actually have to do anything."

"It's not a mouse," Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "What would you use as bait?"

"I don't know." Steve shrugged, but he got out his phone. "I'll Google it."

Twenty minutes later they still hadn't found the spider, but Steve had fallen down a Google rabbit hole on spider facts.

"Listen to this," he told Bucky, reading from his phone, "an individual home can contain thirty to over two hundred different species of spider at any given time."

"Steve," Bucky snapped. "You're not helping."

"Sorry." Steve scrolled down. "It says here that two species of spider were found to snuggle their young. Aww."

Bucky looked over at him with a scrunched up face. "_What?_ Look, Steve. Find something useful or get off the damn Internet."

"Spiders need to drink water," Steve recited the next fact. "That's why they're often in bathrooms." He looked up at Bucky. "I can put a dish of water down?"

"And drown the sucker?" Bucky sounded hopeful.

"And give it a drink," Steve corrected. "We can wait and grab it then."

Bucky made a horrified face. "I'm not grabbing anything! That thing was huge. I never signed up for mutant spiders."

"Who's gonna grab it then?" Steve asked.

"You do it."

Steve considered. "Okay, I'll try. Can I use some Tupperware?"

"Use anything, just get it out of our home," Bucky said.

"Alright," Steve said decidedly. "Let's give it a go."

They set the trap. 

Steve put a small dish of water onto the floor in a clear space. He also closed the blinds again and shut off all lights except the lamp, which he set onto the floor near the dish.

Then he sat on the couch and waited. Bucky was huddled into the couch corner, cradling his rifle and scowling.

"We may as well watch TV?" Steve suggested, after a few minutes.

"No," Bucky grumped. "I'm too tense. I want this damn insect out already."

"Spiders aren't insects," Steve told him, then shrank into the couch when Bucky gave him a glare. 

Okay, no more spider facts. 

Steve sighed, and got out his phone again. "What if I call Jessica? Or Peter? Or Miles?"

"And have them tell everyone about this?" Bucky scoffed. "No, thank you. We can deal with this on our own."

"Alright," Steve murmured.

Well, at least he didn't have to watch a period drama now. Thank God for small mercies. He'd already had to sit through two seasons of Downton Abbey last week.

"We should get a cat," Bucky said.

Steve looked up at him, seeing Bucky frowning in thought. Or just frowning, it was hard to tell. Bucky's RBF was one of the things Steve loved about him. 

"A cat?"

"Yeah," Bucky replied. "Cats eat spiders."

Steve smiled. "I don't think that's a guarantee. You know how contrary cats can be."

Bucky frowned harder.

"We could get a cat like Carol's," Steve suggested, only half joking.

Bucky's eyes widened a little. "Yes," he said reverently. "That would be awesome."

"Maybe we should offer to cat sit next time she asks," Steve said.

"Hm, maybe."

They lapsed into silence again, Steve browsing the net and Bucky glaring at their spider trap on the floor.

They must've waited at least an hour, maybe more. 

Steve was playing a very intense game of Candy Crush when Bucky nudged him and whispered, "Look."

Steve looked, and there was the spider, scampering across the carpet.

Steve whistled under his breath. "That sure is a big one." Then he turned to Bucky with a grin. "We're gonna need a bigger boat."

They'd watched Jaws recently. Steve had been waiting to use that reference.

Bucky didn't take his eyes off the spider. "Make all the jokes you want after you catch that thing."

"Alright, don't worry," Steve assured him. "I got this in the bag."

He picked up the large Tupperware dish and tip toed away to the edge of the room.

All he had to do now was get this bowl onto the spider. 

Steve kept the spider in his sights, held the dish out ready, and tip toed across the carpet.

The spider wasn't even drinking the water, it was just chilling out under the light of the lamp.

Steve crept closer, glancing over at Bucky on the couch, clutching his rifle and watching intently.

"Almost there," Steve murmured. 

The spider twitched, and Steve leapt forward. "Aha!" he shouted, bringing the bowl down fast. "Did I get it?"

The spider had run away. Bucky pointed and yelled, "There! There! There!"

Steve pounced again, and this time he got it.

"Hah!" he said, victorious. He saw the spider inside the dish, a dark blurry blob. "Phew," he muttered, keeping his hand on top of the dish. "Okay, threat contained!" he announced. "Buck, go grab one of my records, would ya?"

Bucky got up and fled the room.

Steve waited for him to come back, and Bucky offered him a record of Cab Calloway at arm's reach.

Steve looked at the record and frowned. "Buck, not this one. Pick one I don't care about."

"Ugh." Bucky took the record back and disappeared again. 

He came back with a Bee Gees record. 

Steve made a face, but he conceded he could live with sacrificing this record if need be. It wasn't as rare as the Cab Calloway.

"Okay, let's do the extraction," he said, and started to slide the Bee Gees under the Tupperware.

Steve was careful not to go to fast, and he didn't want to squash the spider either.

"Steve, c'mon," Bucky urged, bouncing on his feet on Steve's periphery. 

"Hold on," Steve told him, still easing the record in. "Almost there... and, got it!"

He had successfully gotten the record under the Tupperware. 

"Buck, go get the window for me."

Usually they did this the other way around, with Steve opening the window for Bucky to throw spiders out. 

Steve was proud of himself for containing the spider, and he carefully picked it up inside the spider trap, and carried it over to the window.

"Wait," he said, as a thought occurred to him, "where am I gonna put the spider? I can't just throw him out a six storey drop, he's too big."

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Bucky complained, and shut the window again. "Where, then?"

"Hm..." Steve thought, looking around. No one had any balconies in the building. "Basement?"

Bucky shook his head.

"Roof?"

Bucky sighed. "Alright."

They went up to the roof, Bucky opening doors and Steve carrying the spider trap. 

"Almost there, little guy," Steve said, watching the spider cower inside the Tupperware. 

Once out on the roof, Steve had to figure out how to release the spider.

"How much do you care about this Tupperware?" Steve asked.

Bucky shuddered. "I'll never use it or touch it again."

Steve chuckled. "Alright." He gently turned the trap upside down, setting the Tupperware onto the ground. He checked to see if the spider had dropped down, but it was hard to see.

"Okay, here goes..." Steve quickly removed the record, checking to see if the spider had hitched a ride.

Thankfully the spider was still inside the Tupperware, so Steve backed away.

"Is it in there?" Bucky asked, grabbing Steve's arm as soon as he was close.

"Yeah." Steve watched, despite Bucky pulling him back. "Wait, don't you wanna watch him being released?"

"No, I don't," Bucky said, tugging Steve through the door. "C'mon, Steve." 

With a chuckle, Steve followed Bucky through the door. "Bye, little guy!" he called to the spider. "I guess I'll come back tomorrow and fetch the Tupperware."

"And burn it," Bucky said, stomping down the stairs.

"You can't burn plastic," Steve said.

"Recycle it then."

They got back inside the apartment, Bucky closing the door firmly behind them. "I'm glad that's over!" He flung an arm around Steve's neck and kissed him loudly on the cheek. "My hero."

Steve grinned. "Am I a great husband, or what?"

"The best," Bucky agreed. "Now I can finally watch TV."

Oh, yeah. Steve had forgotten about that.

"Okay, I'm just gonna use the bathroom," Steve told him. 

He replaced the Bee Gees record in his record collection, and headed to the bathroom.

When he got in there, Steve glanced at the shower and did a double take.

"Uh oh," he muttered, spotting the spider.

At least this one was a smaller size.

Steve went to the door and called, "Hey, Buck? Better go get a Tupperware dish. There's another spider."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I am on [tumblr](http://jro616.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/jro616).
> 
> Want to prompt me? Drop into my Ask box on tumblr or tweet me on Twitter!


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